Capturing life in words…
I have never been a morning person. At 6:00 a.m. I grimace as the alarm goes off — again. I set the alarm for 5:45 so I can hit the snooze twice. The third trill of bells and I force my body to an unpleasant perpendicular state. Then great amount of neuro activity and thinking goes into ensuring my hazel eyes dare not sneak to half-mast or worse. I use imagery to rise out of my wonderfully comfortable bed. I have to imagine something pleasant to motivate my feet to hit the cold hardwood floor. Specifically, I imagine my Keurig and a steaming cup of caffeinated coffee. I then wish for the millionth time I had a butler, maid, nanny, or hell- even a child- to make and bring me a cup of coffee. But I do not have any of the above (well my children are still sleeping), so I do what we all have to do. I press through my selfish desires and behave like a grown up.
Even though I run to grab my robe like a participant in an Olympiad event, my mind remains blurry and fuzzy. It usually catches up with the body’s frantic activity fairly quickly. No cause for alarm. I fumble with the Keurig machine’s coffee pod and do not allow myself to sit down while it brews. I did once and had put my head down on the table. Yep, asleep within a minutes. Thus I stand, well, sleepily sway as the machine faithfully delivers a steaming cup of go-go juice. The aroma itself is delightful and pulls my mind closer to alert. A few zombie-eyed sips and I am fully functional.
Taking my liquid gold with me, I traipse towards the back door, fuzzy slippers making the shuffling sound I tell me children to stop doing. Absently I realize I need to re-think my reasons for telling them to “stop dragging your feet!”.
I sit down and feel the cobwebs falling away. Ahhh, finally. My senses take in the sight, sound, smell and even touch allowing a melody of mellow loveliness of the early morning sunrise with warm coffee in hand and birds in the trees. A taste of Breakfast Blend Starbucks with clean air. The perfect taste and smell.
Here in Midwest, USA autumn is beginning to announce itself, and the mornings have a pleasant coolness to them. I love Spring and Fall (loathe the cold winters, and am surprisingly content when others complain of the heat). Currently, the temp is 60 degrees — a few degrees cooler than I prefer, but a pleasant change from hot and humid.
Autumn used to depress me. Through no fault of its’ own, it was the entrance into winter. Yet, being on the other side of nearly killing myself (not on purpose!) I now cherish each moment — even the moments lived in cool, crisp air vs my preferred 72 degrees of always sunny. Escaping death brings mindful living. Mindfulness is immersion in each moment, continual acceptance of the whole. Only then does the second hand on the clock feel pregnant… and fully living is noting even the silence between tick and tock. Tick, pause Tock. Tick, pause, Tock. Rhythm of life.
Now felt. Now cherished.
This mindfulness is new to me. But a lot is new to me now… Life threatening circumstances elicit a feeling of rebirth. After I clear the cobwebs from my sleepy mind, I see the world as if all is new. And actually it is– since it was ignored before.
Cupping my coffee cup with both hands I inhale its aroma deeply– thankful to have my sense of smell back. I walk out on my moon porch–renamed in honor of countless nights spent with insomnia. A honking from above overpowers the few crickets still here. In a perfect V, a flock of geese pass overhead — the leader honking out directions to his co-travelers.
I revel in the beauty of blue skies punctuated with mounds of water crystals lit up a brilliant pure white by the sun. Clouds so white, it almost hurts to gaze upon their bright purity. Living in rural suburbia lacks the pollution which paints an orange into the stratosphere. The only tainting to the air here is a pungent smell of a fire place punctuating the crisp air — sigh, summer has gone.
We are in September and I have washed the first pair of blue jeans and folded the last tank top. Next year’s tank top for her will be a size bigger and the shorts for him will no longer be children, but young men’s. Moments passed. Memories now. No “do-overs” in life. No “live it again” wishes granted.
Life is an anfractuous path, winding through the rainbow of emotions. Never knowing what is around the next bend, yet if we stand still and do not move to the next step in the shadowed staircase, we lose. We lose opportunity for more. What is that you ask? Oh more of what? Well, we can only make one tiny decision at a time, and that will help guide our path. Yet, details are not ours to know. And we should be thankful for as much.
Imagine if Moses would have asked God, “Okay Lord, but after I go see the pharaoh and then you unleash all these plagues, then what?”
What? You say I am to lead over a million people around in the desert? Okay, well what about food and water?
Oh, okay, Lord– thank you for providing the essentials. So how long will it take to get to this land of milk and honey?
WHAT!? Forty years! Oh for pete’s sake, Lord. You know how pissy and grumpy the Hebrews will get after a month in the desert with no shelter, and food provided only moments before it is needed?! They won’t last 30 days, much less 40 years. So yeah, thanks for the offer Lord. But will all due respect, I decline this voluntary job of babysitting. But thank you– I am very flattered you believe me worthy.”
So the point is… we do not have to worry about the whole elephant. We just eat him one manageable bite at a time.
Now savor that cup of coffee/tea/water. Look for shapes in the clouds. Pay for the Latte’ of the person behind you at Starbucks. Just do something to feel alive today! And quit fussing about what’s around the next bend or up the staircase where you cannot see yet. Just live and take one step at a time. One bite of life at a time…
Oh look, I see a dragon in the clouds!
Photocredit: Photobucket Written by LMM Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved