Capturing life in words…
Insomnia allows me to ponder. As a chronic insomniac, I am blessed with many worthless musings which I want to chronicle somewhere, but never know where. I want to capture the chaos of my cerebellum during the hours when all the cable channels have infomercials about cantaloup extract for skin or get rich quick schemes. So I have made the executive decision as the administrator of this blog to share my midnight (and 1, 2, 3, 4 a.m.) musings. What did you say?? Who else contributes to this blog I administrate? Well, the “Other Me” which is much different than the “Current Me” writing now. This is the night time me. However, let us not digress. Back to business. Pre-dawn ponderings include:
— Why do I find myself curving around the dog?
He does not pay rent, clean up after himself or help with any household tasks. Well, he IS a good listener and always agrees with my latest ideas for a character. Yes, there IS that… and he is always happy to see me. Sigh. Why am I irritated by the fact he is sleeping soundly? I mean, how many hours does he need to sleep? Come to think about it, he even sleeps at my feet while I am working! … But I do find this habit of him being near me endearing.
— Should I make the character I am creating with the black hair and drawn on blue eyebrows delightfully funny, or insanely annoying? I love her wit, yet think she could really press the pristine, polished professional character to levels of great insanity… and I so like to see the polished cut-throat business woman to be tortured at times. Hmmm, should I see a therapist about this perverse desire to be passively aggressive with some of my characters?
— If I see a therapist, since I was a licensed social worker, does talking to myself count for anything? I mean I did have my clients journal — writing is so cathartic and healing. And we often discussed their entries. Would it not be a hoot to submit a claim to my insurance company for therapy on myself administered by myself? Well, the laugh would not be worth the misdemeanor … or would it be a felony? Surely a felony. Okay, let’s forget therapy all together.
— Did I shut the lid on the mailbox after I got the mail this afternoon? Oh crap, I was busy telling my son to quit giving his sister Wet Willies when I pumped gas– I bet I left it the little door open over the gas cap. Even if I did, I am still going to make fun of other people. It’s not like they would ever know anyway.
— Do I have attention deficit disorder? If I do, should I get treatment for it? Clinically people with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) do notice more about their surroundings when compared to the non-ADD population. I remember learning this in grad school. My observational skills could go down and even though I could concentrate longer at the writing desk, I’d have fewer real life observations to draw from…and then another medication to pay for and hopefully remember to take.
— Oh gag! What the hell? Was it the dog who passed gas or my beloved Jay? Gawd!
— I am leaving the room until this clears… no wait. If I get out of bed, the dog will take up more of my spot. I pull the freshly laundered sheet up to my face and breathe through my mouth only. Who taught me to do the mouth breathing to avoid foul smells? I distinctly remember being advised to do this when my uncle with false teeth stained beige by coffee talked to me as a child. Wow, he still takes the halitosis prize. Gosh, I guess he’s dead… I don’t remember when this happened either. I must have been young.
— I really need to talk to my doctor about this insomnia thing. I keep putting it off because my “sleep hygiene” is terrible.
— And why do I continue to write in bed? I know from being a social worker, writing in bed only conditions my mind and body to be alert in the bedroom. I am ideally supposed to get up and go to another room for a brief time, try to relax with tea, reading and then return to bed– that’s good sleep hygiene.
— Oh yeah, if I leave the bed, my dog will take up my space and my annoyance in having to push, pull and command him to move (all in a loud whisper so I don’t wake Jay) will get the adrenaline and cortisol flowing — meaning i will lose any drowsy relaxed feeling. I’ll stay in bed with my iPad and write.
— Yawn. I am getting drowsy. Happy sigh as I snuggle into the soft folds of my comforter. Ahhh… I love this feeling between wake and sleep.
— Crap. I gotta pee.